Check Your Heart When You Check Your Social Media

Last year, I decided it was time to unplug from social media for a time. There were several key factors in making this decision, but it was a notification I got on my phone one afternoon that really got the ball rolling – my weekly screen time report. Now, it wasn’t the first time I received one of those updates, I had gotten them at the end of each week for a long time but I barely read the numbers before clearing it from my phone. This time, the numbers screamed at me that there was a problem. It said that on average I was spending approximately FIVE hours a day on my phone. FIVE! I was completely shocked. What the heck was I doing with all of those hours on my phone? I know some of it was emails and work communication but it definitely would not have added up to that much most days.Over the next couple of days, I tried not to spend as much time on my phone as I had been. I found having the Facebook Messenger app on my phone made it way too easy to get pulled into a group conversation while I could be spending time with my kids, working on a project, etc. It was also really tempting just to spend time scrolling online to see what everyone else was sharing. Some of the stuff was really exciting news like baby & engagement announcements but most of it was just reading about how another family spent their day or catching up on a comment thread on someone’s controversial Facebook post.

Then I started becoming extremely aware of how I would take a picture of my kids and the first thing I would think is “Oh I have to post this online!”. Not even photos from a special event like a child’s birthday or a visit to the zoo that are actually worth posting. Literally just photos of my kids playing in the backyard. When did that become social media worthy? Yes, of course, my kids are stinking adorable but why must I feel the need to post photos of them doing regular every day things?

Within that week, it also became clear to me that so much “mom-guilt” can happen on Facebook if you’re not careful. You see a photo of a mom who just went on a big hike with their really young children or a photo of someone who just cooked a really healthy meal for their family. Then the mom guilt sets in… “I don’t have the energy today to walk down the street to our local park let alone pack up all of my kids and go hiking” or “Wow, I feel accomplished throwing together a tuna casserole these days with how drained I am feeling… but look at that huge fancy meal that mom put together!”. Shouldn’t I be able to pull off stuff like that too – I mean they are living just as busy lives as I am so I should have no excuse. I didn’t even cut myself any slack that I was pregnant. I never realized how much it affected how I felt about myself when I was constantly comparing myself to other moms online. I realized that a lot of time I would post things online myself so others would know how good of a mom I was. At the time, I thought that was a normal use of social media because everyone else was posting that sort of thing.

By the end of that week of really evaluating my time spent online, and what I was doing with it, I came to the decision that the healthiest choice for myself was to deactivate my accounts for an indefinite amount of time while I worked on that part of myself.

Let me tell you – it was SO freeing!

I spent the whole summer focused on my family, my work and on projects around the house. When I took any photos of the kids just playing, it was for my husband and I to look at later, or to send to our family to see how they are growing and, of course, show off their unbelievable cuteness and silliness! I was no longer comparing myself to other moms on a daily basis allowing it to affect my mental health and my perceptions of my self worth. I didn’t waste time uselessly scrolling through any social media accounts just to see what everyone else in the online community was up to.

I didn’t miss the negative feelings that came with social media at all. I didn’t miss feeling bad about myself because it looked like other families had it all together or wondering where the HECK are they getting all of the energy (Can I have some?). I didn’t miss the group conversations that either got on my nerves or took up too much of my time reading and responding to.

I felt disconnected from the online world and it felt good.

I spent time reflecting over the summer about using social media in a healthy manner. Although when I deactivated my accounts, I did recognize the many benefits of being connected to others online that I would be missing out on but I knew I had to make a change. Spending time online had become a serious issue for me that I needed to work on before I felt like I could ever return.

I spent more time with God, praying, listening to podcasts or in His word, rather than just being online. I spent less time focusing on myself and more time on Him. I rediscovered my self-worth and found it in Jesus instead of in myself. I realized that I shouldn’t be spending my time worrying about whether I cooked a fancy enough meal for my family that day or whether I measure up to all of the other moms online who seem to have time for everything in one day. I was spending way too much thinking about myself and that was both damaging to my mental health and to my relationship with Christ.

I came to realize that it wasn’t so much the use of social media that was harmful to me, but rather, my heart behind it. If I was making a post because I genuinely thought it was something that other people on my friends list would be amused by or enjoy seeing then that would be a healthy use. However, the exact same post could have unhealthy motives by making the post because I want to show other people how I measure up as a mother by preparing such a fun activity for my toddler. It’s what’s in our hearts that is important. – and that’s what God sees.

By the end of the summer, it became increasingly obvious to me that how I spend my time is crucial. As a Christian, I want to be spending every spare moment for the glory of God, not for my own glory. I thought about how scrolling through Facebook or Instagram for an hour at a time does not bring any glory to God. It’s an hour wasted that I could be using to lift someone up who is down, reading the Bible, serving at my church, etc.

I don’t think social media is a bad thing. In fact, I believe the opposite is true if you’re using it in a healthy way. It doesn’t have to be a waste of time or a place where you are constantly comparing yourself. It can be an awesome way for people to connect, stay in touch, offer support, make plans, advertise businesses, etc. With the Fall returning, and many of my groups starting back up, it’s nice to be able to join back in with a renewed attitude about what I want from it.

I’m thankful for this past summer where God worked on my heart and revealed so many things to me that I didn’t even realize I was struggling with. I’m excited for what’s ahead and the plans God has for me. I’m happy to be able to connect with others online again in a healthy way.

Who would have thought that all of this would come from a screen time usage report? God sure does work in the most unique ways to reach our hearts!

I’d love to hear about some of things you do to reduce wasted time and spend more of your time bringing Glory to God. I’ve decided not to have any social media on my phone and then I only use it intentionally when I bring out my computer and that’s been a big help.

Thanks for taking the time to read about some of my experiences and reflections! I hope that my experience may have brought some encouragement to even just one person who might be struggling with something similar.

Blessings,

Rachel